In the 1920s and ‘30s, a popular resource for brides-to-be was “The Bride’s Portfolio Advice and Etiquette Booklet,” a 12-page publication produced by Good Housekeeping.

The many topics in the guide ranged from formal invitations to getting the new relationship between the bride and her soon-to-be in-laws off to a good start.

“To establish cordial and congenial relations with her husband’s family is one of the real tasks to confront the bride,” the guide stated. “It will be hard for her to sometimes realize that his family knows him, perhaps even better than she does, and the meeting with them, as well as the relationship to be established socially with them, present a very real opportunity for her to prove herself equal to her new position of wife and hostess in her own home.

While wedding considerations have changed considerably since then, some of the same goals that inspired etiquette rules a century ago still apply today. Etiquette helps couples create a memorable event—one worthy of a major life event—while considering the feelings of the people who will be there.

By the way, some of the guidelines in place in the ’20s, like thanking guests for gifts as quickly as possible, still make sense in the 2020s. That’s one of the topics we cover in your 12 etiquette tips below.

1. Make sure you tell your close family and friends you’re engaged before you post, tweet, and snap about your exciting news. As strong as the temptation may be to share a photo of your engagement ring or your partner’s romantic proposal right away, you want your loved ones to know they come before your other social media friends and followers.

2. Don’t include your wedding registry info on your invitations. The main purpose of invitations is to graciously invite guests to share in your marriage celebration, not to tell them you expect gifts.

Instead, share registry details on your wedding website or through word of mouth. This allows you to provide the information to those who ask for it, without appearing gift-grabby.

If you feel you must mention registries, do so subtly such as:

On a details card, write, "For more information, visit our wedding website at..." Guests can find registry info there if desired.

At the bottom of the invitations, write "Registries available upon request," and be prepared to share links privately when asked.

On your wedding website, devote a page to accommodation info for out-of-town guests before detailing registry information on a secondary page.

When asked about registries in conversation, casually mention store names but don't share direct links or product details unless requested.

3. Don’t invite someone to one of your wedding-related events, like your shower, unless they’ll be invited to your wedding, too. You don’t want to suggest that you want someone’s gift, but not their company, on your wedding day. Brides magazine notes that you can make an exception to this rule for office showers when co-workers provide gifts without necessarily expecting an invitation.

Along the same lines, if you invite someone to your wedding, be sure to invite them to activities that take place after, such as a wedding after-party.

4. As for wedding shower etiquette, these events can be hosted by anyone who steps forward. The exception here is the bride since the party is being held in her honor.

If there will be multiple showers, invite different people to each event so no one feels pressured to buy multiple gifts.

5. Be considerate of wedding party members’ needs, along with the time and expense of being there for you. Keep communication open and be sure to express your appreciation verbally, with a thank you note, and if your budget allows, with gifts.

It’s also a good idea to check in regularly as the wedding approaches to see if they need anything.

6. A few more suggestions for taking good care of your wedding party:

- Delegate thoughtfully. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with your planning to-dos, it’s OK to ask a bridesmaid for some help — within reason. But take care not to make bridesmaids feel like your personal servants.

- If you give gifts, don’t make them souvenirs of your wedding with your names or monogram. Aim for personalized gifts that reflect wedding party members’ interests and passions--or at least pick something they can use.

- Consider covering some of their expenses, whether that’s paying for bridesmaids to have their hair and makeup done or buying wedding party members a meal to eat during wedding-day preparations. This shows your appreciation for their time and commitment.

7. Plan with your guests’ comfort in mind. If you’ll be having a morning ceremony, for example, make coffee available to guests before the ceremony starts. Planning an evening event? Avoid excessive gaps in time between your ceremony and cocktail hour or reception. Be sure to provide appetizers, and even entertainment, if there will be a significant wait.

8. Other ways to keep guests comfy include:

-Working with your venue to make sure it’s not too hot or cold.

-Providing just-in-case accessories for outdoor weddings, from sunglasses to umbrellas.

-Spacing seating so guests aren’t crammed together.

-Keeping entertainment volumes reasonable.

9. While not everyone agrees on this topic, many feel that having a cash bar—asking your guests to pay for their drinks—is in poor taste. Yes, bar bills can be sizeable, but there are workarounds, including limiting drinks to beer and wine and, possibly, one signature drink.

Or, you can skip alcoholic drinks altogether, especially if your wedding will take place during the morning or afternoon.

10. Not only should you plan to make guests comfortable, but you also should consider the needs of the people who will be spending their day helping you achieve the wedding you want: your vendors. So be sure to provide meals and beverages for your photography and videography teams, bands, DJs and their assistants, and your wedding planner.

11. Make an effort to greet each of your guests during your wedding. The time you spend with them, even if it’s limited, will be appreciated. If you do miss someone, be sure to add a few extra lines to your thank you note to tell them how happy you are that they supported you on your important day.

12. Back to the subject of thank-you notes: Don’t put these off. Ideally, you should send them no later than two or three months after your wedding. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself working in awkward apologies for being late and working twice as hard to convince people you love their gifts.

The Bell Tower on 34th is an elegant wedding venue with ballroom options for multiple event sizes, high ceilings, and an executive chef.

Our Houston venue is in the Garden Oaks neighborhood, close to downtown attractions.

Contact us to request a list of nearby areas and learn more about our customizable packages.